My Stance On Guns

I'm realizing more and more just how much my convictions and personal beliefs are setting me apart from almost everyone around me -- particularly the Christians I know. For one thing, I'm a Democrat (which, of course, sets me apart from about 90% of the US evangelical population (which I'm cool with)). I have a fairly liberal view of the world, the economy, society and even the Gospel, to a certain extent. But it's always a strange and lonely feeling knowing that, of nearly all the people I associate myself with, I'm the only one with these beliefs.

This came more into focus last week when my stepmom informed me that she bought my dad a rifle for Christmas -- something that I'm moderately cool with, but not really. See, I'm fairly anti-gun; not a complete gun-annihilation advocate, but not totally indifferent about firearms, either. I told Megan about my feelings toward guns and she thought I was ridiculous. She then informed me that her family and I will have nothing to talk about, really. She said, "I shoot guns. My entire family shoots guns and goes hunting." I told her my family is the same -- I'm the only person in my family that wants nothing to do with guns.

But, I wasn't always this way.

There was a time when I used to hunt too, with my grandfather and uncle -- I hunted turkey, pheasant, quail, rabbit, deer... If it moved, had four legs or two wings and had breath in its lungs, I'd shoot at it. Now, up until the incident I'm going to detail here, I was never a good shot. I remember a time when a pheasant was perched on a tree branch, just sitting there and I fired at it three times and missed every shot -- in fact, it just continued to sit there, as though it were mocking me. My grandfather said, "There must be something wrong with the sight or maybe the barrel is bent." He grabbed my gun, lifted to his shoulder, fired and dropped the pheasant in one shot.

When I was 11, I went on my final hunting excursion. We were at a pheasant/quail/turkey farm in Wisconsin called Blondhaven -- at this farm, they breed birds, fatten them up, blindfold them and cage them (so they won't peck at each other as much), then release them into an enclosed area so hunters can come in and shoot them. Somehow, during this particular trip, a turkey had gotten out of its cage and ran into the field, where the three of us were hunting. With its blindfold over its eyes, the bird became wild and frantic, running every which way, trying to avert the bullets it heard being fired at it from every direction. It then ran directly into a tree, face first, and collapsed. I approached the bird and was amazed to find it still breathing -- I figured it had broken its neck. My uncle (who was drunk, by the way), slung the strap of his rifle over his shoulder and retorted, "Well, Andy -- looks like you have a clear shot at this one. Put it out of its misery." I lifted my gun, a 12-gauge shotgun to my shoulder, aimed it directly at the bird's face and blew its head off. There was nothing left but a neck, spilling a pool of blood onto the frozen grass and February snow. My uncle laughed, "Yep! You got that one, for sure!"

A wave of shame came over me. I had never shot anything before and my first kill was a heartless, brutal and incredibly violent attack on a blindfolded bird -- one of God's first creations -- that didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell against the power of my shotgun. I dropped the gun into the snow, turned and ran, as fast as I could, back to the parking lot and locked myself in the van we came in. I think I cried for about two solid hours, begging for God to forgive me the horrible wrong that I had done.

I've never so much as held a gun since, despite the arguments I've heard from friends and family over the years that guns are just fine and dandy.

And I've listened to and even considered all of your arguments; I've heard you tell me over and over about the thrill, the rush you get when you bring down a ten-point buck. I know that you believe shooting wild game is nothing more than sport, like baseball or tennis. I've heard the argument, "Well, we eat everything we kill" (and to you, I say, "Go to the grocery store! You don't HAVE to murder animals just so you can eat! You're not a caveman or a tribesman!"). And if I have to hear, one more time, "The Constitution says I can have a gun to protect myself"... Oh man. That stance has become one of the biggest straw man arguments to support gun use.

And there are so many stories I could relate to you, to tell you why I have such a problem with guns: I could tell you that it was a gun that killed John Lennon; I could tell you that it was guns that killed three of my cousins -- one during a hunting trip, one from suicide, one from just being stupid and irresponsible with a friend; I could tell you the amount of times I was shot at while living in the East side of Aurora; I could tell you the amount of money that the government is making under the table, thanks to arms dealing.

But we both know that we're never going to convince one another that the other is wrong. I know that the Constitution permits everyone to be a desensitized, gun-toting buffoon and you know that I have every right in the world to be an oversensitive, liberal crybaby. Whatever.

But before you lift the gun to your shoulder and scope out your next big kill, ask yourself a few questions: 1) is this what God meant when he created Adam to "rule over" the rest of His creation? Is this how God intended for me to respect His creation? 2) (and this one is incredibly cheesy) WWJD? Honestly. What WOULD Jesus do? I'm not sure the man who stated "he who lives by the sword will die by the sword" would be the biggest gun advocate. I may be wrong, but there's something wrong with this picture...

How Can a Poor Man Stand Such Times and Live?

Today, Senate finally approved President Obama's national health care package -- a bill that is going to revolutionize the American health care industry. This reform is going to make health care much more affordable for the uninsured and will, in the long run, save lives.

As much as this is a major victory and a big step towards universal health care, America is still far and away from providing the same kind of affordable health care as... the rest of the world. And while this is discouraging, what's even more discouraging is the fact that there wasn't a single Republican in Senate that voted in favor of the bill -- every single one of them voted against it!

Q: WTF?

A: $

Yes, it's true -- good ol' American greed and the Almighty Dollar, once again, prevailed in the hearts of the Republican party; the supposedly God-fearing, conservative Christians. These party members turned away from their Bibles, from the story of the Good Samaritan, the stories in Acts that told of church members never being in want because other members provided for them, just long enough to say, "Fuck you, underpaid and unemployed poor people." Then, of course, they lifted their hands and proclaimed, "Hallelujah, for the Almighty Dollar shall save us all!"

I was watching the news and they were playing clips of Republicans bashing the bill and referring to it as "a job killer." Obviously, their main concern is that a bill that would make health care more affordable would put jobs in danger. Of course it is! They're not at all worried about the 1% tax increase on homes making more than $300,000 per year!

So, Republicans say that affordable health care is a job killer. But, on the other hand, unaffordable health care is a people killer. I suppose the silver lining to this debate is that more dead people means more job opportunities for the unemployed!

I think the only person that can offer commentary on this matter is The Boss, Bruce Springsteen:

Well the doctor comes 'round here with his face all bright
And he says "in a little while you'll be alright"
All he gives is a humbug pill, a dose of dope and a great big bill
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

"Me and my old school pals had some mighty high times down here
And what happened to you poor black folks, well it just ain't fair"
He took a look around, gave a little pep talk, said "I'm with you" then he took a little walk
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

There's bodies floatin' on Canal and the levees gone to Hell
Martha, get me my sixteen gauge and some dry shells
Them who's got got out of town and them who ain't got left to drown
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

Got family scattered from Texas all the way to Baltimore
Yeah and I ain't got no home in this world no more
Gonna be a judgment that's a fact, a righteous train rollin' down this track
Tell me how can a poor man stand such times and live

I'm Voting Republican Because...

A friend at work emailed me a satire entitled “I’m voting Democrat because…”. It was a letter to the editor in some newspaper in Des Plaines, Illinois (at least that’s where this writer is from).

The letter, which I’m assuming was meant to be a real jab at Democrats everywhere, did nothing more than rile me up. It was poorly written, poorly researched, and housed poorly formed arguments (some of the entries actually are good reasons to vote Democrat!). I took into my own hands to humbly and respectfully submit a rebuttal entitled “I’m voting Republican because…”

My rebuttals begin with "I'm voting Republican because..."

Enjoy!




I’m voting Democrat because like most Americans I trust lawyers more than anyone else; I think only lawyers should run the government, and all the Democrat Leaders are lawyers: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, John Edwards, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Leader Harry Reid, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, a nd John Kerry, to name just a few. (Al Gore dropped out of Law School, so I don’t trust him as much, except on Global Warming.)

I’m voting Republican because, like most Americans, I trust professional wrestlers, bodybuilders, pro sports teams owners, billionaires, and oil barons. I think only they should be running the country: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Bush, Jesse Ventura, and Dick Cheney, just to name a few.

I’m voting Democrat because the Democrats support the trial lawyers and I think this country needs more lawsuits and less tort reform. And I don’t believe the trial lawyers’ contributions have a thing to do with it.

I’m voting Republican because the Republicans support arms-traders and I think this country needs more terrorist threats in the world and more money to line our leaders’ pockets.

I’m voting Democrat because Congress has done such a wonderful job under Democrat leadership the last two years, that I want a lot more of the same.

I’m voting Republican because the country has been such a wonderful place to be under Republican leadership for the past eight years, that I want more of the same.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to get my health care from the same competent, efficient, cost-effective, customer-service-focused folks who run the US Post Office, the Pentagon, FEMA and the state Registry of Motor Vehicles

I’m voting Republican because I want my health care to be so unaffordable, that I have to work until the day I die. It doesn’t bother me, though—my hard-earned dollars that I give to pharmaceutical companies are, in turn, going to the pharmaceutical lobbyists that support the Republicans I’m voting for by funding their campaigns!

I’m voting Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I’m voting Republican because I understand the responsibilities of being a law-abiding, arms bearer. It’s just a shame that my friends don’t want to go hunting with me anymore after just one tiny, insignificant incident! Perhaps the crack addicts, drug lords, disgruntled students with mental issues and gang leaders will join me at the sportsman’s club with their .45s!

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to cut the taxes of 95% of the people, including the 30% who don’t pay taxes.

I’m voting Republican because Republicans consistently give tax breaks to the wealthier upper class. I’m glad money is being saved by those who really need it.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to take away the secret ballot in union elections, and I think the union bosses should know if a workingman or woman is with them, or against them.

I’m voting Republican because I think that laborers can’t handle the responsibilities of just one vote in a unionization ballot. I think there should be at least two votes and the second should be totally secret! I also believe that employers should be allowed the opportunity to pressure their employees into voting against unionizing. How should blue-collar dimwits be trusted to make an educated decision like that the first time around if not for their bosses’ direct influence?

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has over three years experience in the Federal Government, and “Hope” is a great strategy.

I’m voting Republican because Sen. McCain has over one hundred years experience in the Federal Government and “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke” is my personal philosophy.

I’m voting Democrat because Sen. Obama voted “present” instead of “yes” or “no” over 120 times in the Illinois State Senate, and I think we need a decisive president.

I’m voting Republican because Sen. McCain has voted in favor of nearly all of President Bush’s legislation, and I think we need an extension—nay, a continuation—of the Bush administration.

I’m voting Democrat because I think that drilling for American oil is foolish, when we can buy from the Middle East.

I’m voting Republican because I think that we should drill for American oil. Screw the caribou! Besides, it takes way too much time and effort to come up with a better solution for our dependence on fossil fuels! Don’t think through it—just do it!

I’m voting Democrat because I think windmills (except off Hyannis) are a better answer to reliable, clean energy than Nuclear Energy.

I’m voting Republican because I think “nucular” energy is the most reliable and clean form of energy that has been explored so far. Sure, the uranium that is required to generate “nucular” energy is a non-renewable resource, but so are fossil fuels! I’m sure that once we’ve used up all the uranium, we’ll find some other resource to use up. Maybe in Alaska! Screw the caribou!

I’m voting Democrat because I don’t think we give enough to other countries in foreign aid.

I’m voting Republican because I don’t think we borrow enough loans from foreign countries.

I’m voting Democrat because I’m for putting up barriers to free trade, as they did in 1930 with the Smoot-Hawley bill. That made things much better then.

I’m voting Republican because I’m for putting up barriers to fair trade. How will America retain her place as the world’s most (and, eventually, only) progressive economic giant if other countries are allowed to compete?

I’m voting Democrat because I miss the high unemployment, inflation and interest rates of the Jimmy Carter years.

I’m voting Republican because I’ll miss the high unemployment, inflation and interest rates of the George W. Bush years. It was so easy to get approved for a mortgage in those days! You didn’t even HAVE to be employed!

I’m voting Democrat because parents shouldn’t get to choose the school their kids go to. Parents should leave their children’s education to the teachers and stay out of it.

I’m voting Republican because parents should be allowed to choose the school their kids will go to, despite the need for enrollment in public schools. Who cares if schools in districts I disapprove of get shut down because of the severe cutbacks prompted by my party? My kid will be the pride of the Catholic high school football team! Besides, the government could use the money that public school teachers make to cut down the federal deficit!

I’m voting Democrat because I think this is the perfect time to raise the Capital Gains tax and drive investment money out of the stock market.

I’m voting Republican because I think this is the perfect time to keep the Capital Gains tax exactly where it is until 2011 and continually bail out greedy billionaires by pouring money into the Stock Market.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

I’m voting Republican because I believe the oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene. They should be making much, much more than that! Oh, look at that: my stock in Haliburton just went up.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would, and I want to spread my wealth around to those who earn less—or nothing.

I’m voting Republican because I believe I will do a better job of spending the money I earn than the government would. I promise I won’t ask questions when the civil services my community depends on (like the police department, fire department, the hospital, the schools, the city employees, the state employees, etc, etc) start disappearing. The Hummer I just bought for my sixteen year old son is more than capable of handling all the potholes that will start appearing all over the roads when there are no city employees to repair them!

Oh, what’s that? My son will have to go somewhere else to get his driver’s license because the DMV was shut down? Hm… That’s fine—we’ll be able to afford a solution for that problem too.

I’m voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I’m voting Republican because freedom of speech is fine, as is my freedom to cover my ears and say, “La la la la la! I’m not listening! La la la la la la la la la!”

I’m voting Democrat because, when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.

I’m voting Republican because I think it’s okay to supply arms and military intelligence to terrorists. Also, we should stay in Iraq as long as we possibly can. It’s God’s will for us to sacrifice as many American soldiers as is necessary—Muslim extremists will eventually change their ways. Right?

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

I’m voting Republican because I don’t care about the energy crisis. Besides, all the scientists, geologists, ecologists, biologists, marine biologists, and geographers in the world all agree that the amount of damage we’ve already done is irreversible anyway! “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die!”

I’m voting Democrat because I’m not concerned about restoring partial birth abortions so long as we keep all death row murderers alive.

I’m voting Republican because even though I tell the evangelical demographic that I’m pro-life, I have no real solution to ending abortion than to sign a bill into law. Sure, I know that abortion laws won’t stop abortions, but coming up with alternative solutions requires too much thinkin’! I’ll let the Democrats think of a way to make the adoption process easier, or to get federal support into the hands of underprivileged families and single/teenage mothers, or to make education more affordable and of higher quality. My Republican leaders will end up shortchanging the families and mothers and eventually slashing the funding for public schools anyway, so what does it matter?

I’m voting Republican because family values are what are important to me. But please don’t tell anyone about that little incident in the airport bathroom, okay?

I’m voting Republican because everyone on death row belongs there and I have no doubt that none of them were wrongfully accused.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that small businesses should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution to people who didn’t start businesses.

I’m voting Republican because I believe that small businesses, contractors, and entrepreneurs should be squashed by big business.

I’m voting Republicans because I believe we need to get the money out of the hands of greedy people and into the pockets of greedy bankers!

I’m voting Democrat because I believe the law is what judges say it is, and not what legislators say — or the Constitution.

I’m voting Republican because I believe the law is whatever George W. Bush says it is and not what those who are learned in political science say. Only HE can infringe on the Constitution and make up his own laws.

I’m voting Democrat because the media would call me a racist if I didn’t.

I’m voting Republican because Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, and “Papa Bear” would call me un-American and/or a supporter of terrorists if I didn’t.