My Trip to Chicago with Megan and Morgan

Here are some pictures from my recent trip to Chicago -- words to come later:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2037590&id=220400154&l=fef1e7be30

Her

What would I say when I saw her?

I spent the better part of three days wondering that; it was, for the most part, the only thing on my mind. What would I say when I saw her? As my friends, the Rileys, and I drove my car, Ol' Bessie, east to Columbus, Ohio, I rehearsed some lines of dialogue in my head: cheesy one-liners, smooth words, wistful, sweet nothings.

Megan, charming smile, it's such a pleasure to finally meet you.

Wow, the stars are dancing in your eyes tonight.

Hands in pockets, shoulders a little shrugged, head cocked slightly to the left, big, puppy eyes and a sheepish smile... Hi.

The words, the looks -- these fantasies dominated my thoughts for a week.

But, let me backtrack.

I almost hate to say it, but we met online. I don't know why I feel that's something to be ashamed of, but I redden with embarrassment every time I mention it. When those words, "We met online," come out of my mouth, it feels like the person I'm talking to is taken aback a little. "Oh," they reply. "Well, that's certainly... Something."

She lives four hours away from me, in central Indiana, so meeting would prove to be difficult. Luckily, Joshua needed to go to Columbus to visit a seminary and invited me along for the ride; I needed a vacation anyway, but I really wanted to meet Megan -- driving to Columbus would provide me the opportunity to do so. So I went.

All the way there, the four of us had different things on our minds, different goals, different intentions. Joshua was visiting the seminary his oldest brother attended and was deciding whether or not to pursue ministry; his wife, Sam, was eager to move out of DeKalb and start over; Aaron, Sam's younger brother, was excited at the prospect of meeting new people and leaving his troubled past behind; I was head over heels for a girl I hardly knew and wanted nothing more than to meet her.

We were in Ohio for three days, from Wednesday to Friday. When we left that Friday afternoon, the plan was to stop in Indianapolis on the way home, have dinner with Megan, then head back to DeKalb.

I had never done anything like this before, so I didn't know what to expect. I had never met someone that I've already met, if that makes any sense. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to act?

So I rehearsed. I prepared.

Around 7:30pm or so, that night, I got a text message from her: "I'm here!" Suddenly, my nerves, which were very apparent the minute before I received the text, went below the surface and I was, suddenly, very calm. I responded, "We're pulling off the interstate now -- we're going to park, then we'll find you." She told me she was standing next to a fountain and that she'd wait for me there.

After parking, I got out of the car and my legs gave up from under me and I was suddenly very terrified. Josh managed to calm me down just enough to walk me into the men's room at Nordstrom's. Or maybe it was Macy's. Either way, it was a fairly high-end department store. I locked myself in a stall and just... sat there for about 10 minutes. My mind was a blank -- all of the dialogue that I had rehearsed for so many days was gone -- and I was terrified. I pulled myself together, walked over to the sink and splashed cold water in my face, stared into my own eyes in the mirror and tried not to panic.

Josh came in to, again, calm me down. "Joshua, I think I'm going to finish the remainder of my life with this woman. What am I supposed to do if I can't figure out a way to start?" He wrapped his arms around me, gave me a bear hug and replied, "You just do it."

We walked outside and the fresh air, stroking my cheeks, did me good. It restored a bit of confidence. The streets were relatively empty -- certainly more empty than the streets of Chicago. I was relieved, because the emptiness helped me to concentrate on simply putting one foot in front of the other. Step, step, step, step, homeless guy, step, step, step. There we go, Drew. This is going to be okay. My rehearsed lines even started coming back to me.

I called her, so that she could guide me in her direction. It was a delight to hear her voice and it was, somehow, soothing. This is going to be okay. You're just fine.

And then I saw her.

It was from a distance, but I saw her. We were still on the phone, and she didn't see me just yet because of the awkward angle and the fact that her back was turned to me. But I saw her. My entire body turned to a leaf, and I felt the wind propel me in her direction at an alarming rate -- I quickened my steps, leaving the Rileys far behind me when they were, just seconds before, walking right alongside me.

I saw her and I couldn't force away the giant, idiotic smile that consumed my face. I told her where I was, walking up behind her and laughed a little as I watched her turn frantically from side to side to find me, but to no avail.

I saw her and she was standing only a hundred or so feet from me. I stopped dead in my tracks for a second, just to take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. Close my eyes to gather myself. She turns around.

Then she saw me.

We hang up simultaneously, pause for a moment, then walk towards each other. She smiled at me from a distance and we both exchanged "hello's." Then, we were standing two feet from each other. That's when she smiled and every fiber of my being surrendered to her beauty.

I opened my mouth and wasn't surprised when my nerves reached out of the grave I buried them in and strangled me. The only thing that came out from the pit of my soul was, "Uhhhh..."

I looked into her eyes and melted. They were like champagne and I wanted nothing more than to cry, just to release a small amount of the mixed emotions that were bubbling up inside of me. Instead we reached for each other and embraced. We hugged for a little under half of a minute, but I didn't want to let go. Ever. It felt perfect, our bodies pressed against each other, so close, so well fitted.

I stepped back from her, breathed her in with my eyes and said, "Your picture doesn't do you any justice at all."

What? That wasn't part of the rehearsals, Drew! Stick to the script!

The rest of the night, from that moment to the one where I got into my car and drove away, was a blur of bad jokes, awkward glances, dinner in a loud restaurant, uneasiness, a homeless man on the corner who did his best to pretend he was satisfied with the leftover nachos I gave him and one more magnificent hug that didn't last nearly long enough. I can't even remember what happened, because her mere presence was so intoxicating. I drank her in, became wonderfully inebriated and have been hung over ever since.

Heads, California

Rather than write another pathetic update about my troubling circumstances, I thought I'd type up the lyrics to a song I wrote a few years ago that still describes my heart's desires:

I've been kicking around, around this town
Around this town for too long now
Writing letters to myself
Addressed to myself from different towns

Pictures of myself in all the same places
All the same spaces since I don't know when
I've changed my hairstyles and changed my faces
But don't I know I've never changed a thing

I don't know where I'm going to
And I don't know what I'll do if I get there
All I know is I love you
And I love the songs that people wrote once they got there

Heads, California
Tails, Cork City
Isn't it a pity I couldn't be there now?
So come on baby, you look so pretty
I'm going to make you love me somehow

I don't know where we're going to
And I don't know what we'll do if we get there
All I know is I love you
And I love the books that people wrote once they got there

Heads, California
Tails, Cork City
Isn't it a pity I couldn't be there now?
So come on baby, you look so pretty
I'm going to make you love me somehow

Where Was My Welcome Committee?

Today is my first day back home. I just spent the last three days on a road trip that sent Josh, Sam, Aaron and I through Indiana, into Ohio and back again. This trip was designed to allow Josh the opportunity to visit his brother and sister-in-law and for him to explore the possibility of attending seminary at Ashland University (www.ashland.edu/seminary). On the way home, I was going to get the chance to meet Megan -- a young lady I've been conversing with over the past few weeks. For all of us, the trip was meant to be eye-opening, revealing and an opportunity to find our callings, our destinations and, ultimately, ourselves.

Until I talked to Megan about the possibility of meeting on Friday, on our way home, I was just going to tag along for the ride -- I don't have anything better to do since I don't have a job and the friends I hang out with the most were going on this trip. So the first two days of the trip, I reasoned, had little to nothing to do with me -- I'm not interested in going to seminary, I'm not really too interested in moving to Ohio and I can't even find a job in Illinois, let alone one in Ohio!

I did manage, though, to find a hint of direction for my life in those first two days.

Visiting Ashland Seminary was an incredible experience. The staff and faculty -- particularly Eric and Glenn -- that helped us out were some of the coolest people I've met. Since that particular day was reserved for counseling majors, and since Josh isn't interested in counseling, there wasn't much for the two of us to do. Realizing that, Glenn and Eric stepped up to the plate to show us around the campus themselves, giving us a personalized tour. Glenn took us out for coffee, paying for our drinks from his own pocket, then walked us around the Ashland University campus and explained what services would be available to us as students. He also showed us the chapel that the church he pastors meets in.

After that, we took part in one of the seminary's chapel services. Josh and I both had a profound spiritual experience in that place. At eleven in the morning. On Thursday.

It just goes to show you that the Spirit is always available. Always.

During lunch, Glenn and Eric both sat with us and we discussed television and music and movies and comedians and politics; we even discussed the possibility of the school adding a new concentration (creative writing) to their Masters of Divinity degree -- very real things. These two people stripped themselves of their recruiter roles and became very real people.

After lunch, Eric took Josh and I to their archaeology museum. And by that, I mean "Eric broke into the archaeology museum for us."

There's a part of me that kinda wants to go to seminary after that experience. Perhaps I will blog on this later.

The next day, we went to Columbus and had an amazing time in an amazing city. There's a big part of me that would like to move there someday. Perhaps I will blog on this later too.

For me, meeting Megan was the highlight of the trip. I will definitely blog on this later.

I hated coming home. "Home." Home to a town I can't stand, to a house I can't stand, to a neighborhood I can't stand. "Home." Home to a place I've been wanting to leave since the moment I got here.

And where was my welcoming committee? All my friends knew I was in Ohio, or at least had plenty of resources available to find out I was in Ohio. I updated my Twitter several times, I even talked to some of them while on the road. Megan was the only one to ask me how my trip was when I got back. My welcoming committee was a hundred drunk NIU students milling about in the streets, partying and holding up traffic.

Don't hear me wrong -- I'm not complaining about my friends or anything like that. I'm not throwing myself a pity party here. What I am saying, though, is that in my mind, all of the events of the past three days are incredibly indicative of what I should be doing with my life. It could very well be time to move and Columbus, Ohio could very well be the place to move.

I'll be counting on a miracle to make that a reality, but I serve a great, big God Who specializes in the miraculous.

I'm not worried.

* * *

Be on the lookout for another couple of blogs, chronicling the events of the past three days.