25 Random Things About Me

25 Random things about me
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1) I rarely practice anything I say I'm in love with: reading, writing, playing guitar, going to the pub, open mics -- I hardly ever do any of those things. I spend more time talking about doing those things than I actually do them. I don't know if it has anything to do with getting older, but that seems a sorry future to me.

2) If "too much information" offends you, move on, but I'm not a big fan of clothing -- especially around the house. I feel so... inhibited. Socks are a curse, pants are constricting, and shirts -- well, I don't mind shirts so much.

3) I will admit, I am signed up on at least five dating sites. I never use any of them, but I quite enjoy browsing through them every once in a while. I seriously doubt I'll ever meet "the one" on one of them, but I keep my profile up to date anyway.

4) I have a lot of goals in life: I want to move to Ireland, open a second hand bookstore/coffee house/pub, plant a church, get married and have children, maybe even own a home. But I have one goal in life that surpasses all of these, and that goal is to, one day, make my own rocking chair. I want to go to the lumber yard and pick up the finest wood money can buy, set up shop in a spare room or garage and spend my weekends building the Perfect Rocking Chair. I know I'll make several in my life, but I'll probably sell the lesser ones at fleamarkets or something -- I'll keep the best of them for myself, so, after I retire, I can sit on my front porch with a pipe and pint, crack the binding of a good boke, and rock away the rest of my life.

5) I cried -- nay, wept -- the day Johnny Cash died. And I don't think there's any shame in admitting that.

6) At least once a year, I am confused for a homosexual. Whether it's my love of candles or my borderline obssession with Flight of the Conchords that tips some people off, I don't know. To all the men who have asked me out over the years: Thank you, I am very flattered.

7) I live with fear. I am bound by fear. I am suffocated by fear. All the great things I aspire to in life, I am too fearful to reach for. I've had opportunities come and go to do wonderful things, but have always been to afraid to leave my comfort zone. I fear this will be the death of me.

8) I get along better with people who are older than me than I do with people my own age. This is starting to change, but is, in many ways, still true. When I was in high school, junior high school, grade school, at family holiday functions, I never sat at the "kid's table," I was always mingling with the adults. I found their conversations so much more interesting, so much more enlightening. I didn't care about who was dating who in high school, I didn't care that one of my friends figured out how to get access to the Playboy Channel in seventh grade, I didn't care about malls, or bands, or movies, or anything like that when I was a kid. I was more fascinated with Uncle John's World War II stories or Dad's workweek stories. I had more interest in grown-up things like jobs, and art, and literature, and university. I never listened to contemporary music until I was 20 -- I listened to classic rock. I raided my Dad's CD and record collections more than I borrowed new CDs from friends at school. Sometimes I wonder if I spent too much time trying to be a grown up when I should've been a kid.

9) I'm a city person. I love big cities. Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Boston -- you name it. I've never enjoyed living in the suburbs and the country, I've always found dull. Eventually, I have a feeling, this will all change. I'll want to escape the city life and run away to the rolling hills and quiet nights. But, right now, I dream of living in a downtown setting.

10) I don't enjoy writing songs. I really don't. I get unbelievably frustrated when I'm writing songs.

11) I spend an abnormal amount of time organizing my iTunes library. I used to spend, maybe five hours per week messing around with it, but now that I'm unemployed, I spend about five hours per day EVERYDAY in iTunes. Making playlists, downloading new music, changing genres, getting album artwork with higher resolution, listening to podcasts, etc, etc. It's a sickness.

12) I was in a cult between the ages of ten and twenty. How crazy is that?

13) I say a lot of really inappropriate things at very inappropriate volumes. Ask my close friends, I'm sure they'll tell you. Personally, I don't see what they're talking about, but they're all very emphatic that I need to use my "six-inch voice" or not say anything at all. I think the biggest reason I disagree with them is because nobody, besides them, has ever said anything to me -- nobody's been offended and actually confronted me about it!

14) I test people. That's not something I'm necessarily proud of, but I have a fascination with what people think of me. It's not so much that I care what people think of me, it's that I'm genuinely interested. Sometimes, I'll stop calling someone that never calls me just to see if they start calling me. Or, I'll stop showing up to a place I normally go to a on a regular basis -- like meetings or church or whatever. Is that sick? Yeah, it probably is. But in the words of Morrissey, "In my life, why should I waste precious time on people who don't care if I live or die?"

15) My last job is the only one I didn't enjoy. I enjoyed working at Jewel, Family Christian Store, Lemstone, and Borders. I really did. My last job, though -- wow. That place really sucked the life out of me.

16) Some of my friends think I'm a hipster, but I can't stand hipsters. I really can't. I don't care how independent they think they are -- I don't like their tight jeans and their aviators with funky-colored rims and thrift store t-shirts and Pabst Blue Ribbon and punky attitudes. You're not flowing against the mainstream! You're not even flowing alongside it! You just created a tributary of the river of pop culture! Am I the only one who sees this?? For people who claim to be completely independent of everything, you all look alike! You all talk alike! You all listen to the same music and watch the same movies! Stop being pretentious hipster douchebags!

*deep breath*

17) Mexicans don't like me. I can't figure out why this is. I am loved by black people, orientals, homosexuals, Native Americans, Indians, goths, preps, jocks, nerds, valley girls, gangstas, even Puerto Ricans and Cubans like me! But Mexicans, for some reason, do not like me at all.

18) I feel most at home in a place I've never been. I have a head full of memories that I've never experienced.

19) I've always wanted to be in a band, but I've never met a musician who is like-hearted in taste.

20) I never tire of sunsets. I love to watch that yellow ball changes hues and sink below the horizon during any season. When I was a boy, I climbed to the top of a hill near my house, sit at the base of the oak tree that gripped the hill and watch the sun sink, sink, sink until the sky turned black. That is one thing I will never tire of.

21) I'm not very good at being a vegetarian. For instance, I love chicken. Turkey and pork, I could do without for the rest of my life, but I absolutely love chicken. My parents will also sneak in meat any time they possibly can, to intentionally make me fail. That's right -- my parents sabotage my food to set me up for failure.

22) Your money doesn't impress me -- neither do your clothes, your good looks, your things, your house, or anything else about you. I'm more impressed by the person who has next to nothing and loves life more than you.

23) I consider myself a bit of an intellectual, but you'd never guess it when you're hanging out with me. I'm interested in the arts, and literature, and ethics, and philosophy, and theology, and all of the other things that one would consider "intellectual subjects." But my personality is a bit more that of a class clown, rather than a class act.

24) Growing up, my favorite movie was "Ghostbusters." I did everything within reason to become a Ghostbuster myself -- I had all the action figures, the jumpsuit, the proton pack, the EMF detector, the ecto-trap, everything. To this day, that movie continues to be my favorite.

25) I love receiving mail -- not bills or collections notices or coupons or anything like that, but real mail. I also love personal emails. Not that I'm hinting at anything.


Little Bretty Poo

At long last, the now-famous Bretty Poo quotes have resurfaced! Here are some of my personal favorites:

Gas Station? Where is Gas Station? What do you think I am, a friggin millionaire?

We need to put all this stuff on your Xanga because nobody reads mine. People respect you. And so do I. So they'll read your's.

Tell Lauren I'm going to give her a hug. Did you just tell her I'm going to hug her? Tell her she can kiss your armpit.

I love talking to NASCAR fans.

(picks up a liquid Koosh ball) I wonder what's in this stuff...

If that annoying kid was my son I'd beat him. Just to -- you know -- scare him.

It didn't make me sick, so I know it was healthy.

Hey look, this comes off. (giggle) Your mom comes off!

Did you know Domino's is the official pizza of NASCAR. It says so on the box.

"I can't eat this cow, it's sacred!" I'm not like those people. God created animals for us to eat. So they're going against God. What are they thinking? "This cow has eight stomachs and farts all the friggin time so it has better meat!"

I was in my Business class and the teacher told us to write down whatever stresses us out the most, so I told the girl next to me, "You should write 'period.'"

I can't breathe out my one nostril because of that lady's perfume.

And now, here's some dialogue:

Bretty Poo: What the... What the heck is that??
Drew: What?
B: That crap in your beard!
D: (looks in the mirror) Oh. Chap stick.
B: Mmmm. Saving it for later? (looks at chap stick tube) So, I see you're gay too.
D: Huh? Oh. Yeah.
B: (takes his chap stick out) Yeah. I've got mint. I tried Jeff's chap stick -- that Beeswax crap. I like it.
D: Yeah, I had that too. But I lost it.
D: I should find it.
B: Where do you get it?
D: I don't know. Gas station I guess.
B: Gas Station? Where is Gas Station? What do I think I am, a friggin millionaire?

Bretty Poo: (looks at customer's hat) Are you a NASCAR fan?
Customer: No, I got this hat for free.
Bretty Poo: Oh. I love talking to NASCAR fans.

Bretty Poo: Are you going to dinner with Lauren?
Drew: (nods)
B: So I should go on break before then?
D: I guess.
B: Because it's not after.
D: ......Right.

Drew: "Liquid Koosh" sounds dirty.
Bretty Poo: Hey. You wanna liquid Koosh me?

Bretty Poo: Oh no!
Drew: What?
B: The friggin Koosh ball is gone forever!
D: What??
B: There was a hole!
D: It fell behind the wall??
B: Yeah, but I found it under the table.
B: So it was never even here.

Bretty Poo: You call me "Bretty Poo" in front of everyone.
Drew: Yeah. That's because chicks dig it.
B: YOU'RE telling me this??

Drew: Dude, I'm getting tired of your sissy music.
Bretty Poo: Aw, come on! Don't put on your weird stuff!
D: Weird music is the way of the future! Robots listen to weird music!

(Bretty Poo calls Lauren as a prank call; she answers)
Bretty Poo: Oh! Um.... Uh.... (fakes deep voice) Um, this is Drew.
Lauren: Oh, hey Brett. Tell Drew I'll be there in a few minutes.
Bretty Poo: Well, hurry up! He's really excited. He put his chap stick on and everything!

(Bretty Poo grabs some pasta off some girl's lunch tray at school)
Girl: Hey! Don't put your fingers in my pasta!
Bretty Poo: Ew, you're gross!

Drew: Hey, how do you spell "sabbatical?"
Bretty Poo: X-A-N-G-A!

(Bretty Poo throws all Drew's change on the floor)
D: What the--!? What are you doing you creep??
B: Why was all of your change on the table?
D: It kept falling out my pockets so I put it on the table.
B: Oh. Well I fixed the problem. By throwing it on the floor.

B: Isn't it funny how the snowplows push all the snow into a big pile and it's still there?
D: Yeah. Funny.
B: Shutup, I'm trying to be deep here.

(Brett randomly starts laughing)
D: Did you just randomly start laughing?
B: Yeah. I burped.