Little Bretty Poo

At long last, the now-famous Bretty Poo quotes have resurfaced! Here are some of my personal favorites:

Gas Station? Where is Gas Station? What do you think I am, a friggin millionaire?

We need to put all this stuff on your Xanga because nobody reads mine. People respect you. And so do I. So they'll read your's.

Tell Lauren I'm going to give her a hug. Did you just tell her I'm going to hug her? Tell her she can kiss your armpit.

I love talking to NASCAR fans.

(picks up a liquid Koosh ball) I wonder what's in this stuff...

If that annoying kid was my son I'd beat him. Just to -- you know -- scare him.

It didn't make me sick, so I know it was healthy.

Hey look, this comes off. (giggle) Your mom comes off!

Did you know Domino's is the official pizza of NASCAR. It says so on the box.

"I can't eat this cow, it's sacred!" I'm not like those people. God created animals for us to eat. So they're going against God. What are they thinking? "This cow has eight stomachs and farts all the friggin time so it has better meat!"

I was in my Business class and the teacher told us to write down whatever stresses us out the most, so I told the girl next to me, "You should write 'period.'"

I can't breathe out my one nostril because of that lady's perfume.

And now, here's some dialogue:

Bretty Poo: What the... What the heck is that??
Drew: What?
B: That crap in your beard!
D: (looks in the mirror) Oh. Chap stick.
B: Mmmm. Saving it for later? (looks at chap stick tube) So, I see you're gay too.
D: Huh? Oh. Yeah.
B: (takes his chap stick out) Yeah. I've got mint. I tried Jeff's chap stick -- that Beeswax crap. I like it.
D: Yeah, I had that too. But I lost it.
(silence)
D: I should find it.
B: Where do you get it?
D: I don't know. Gas station I guess.
B: Gas Station? Where is Gas Station? What do I think I am, a friggin millionaire?

Bretty Poo: (looks at customer's hat) Are you a NASCAR fan?
Customer: No, I got this hat for free.
Bretty Poo: Oh. I love talking to NASCAR fans.

Bretty Poo: Are you going to dinner with Lauren?
Drew: (nods)
B: So I should go on break before then?
D: I guess.
B: Because it's not after.
D: ......Right.

Drew: "Liquid Koosh" sounds dirty.
Bretty Poo: Hey. You wanna liquid Koosh me?

Bretty Poo: Oh no!
Drew: What?
B: The friggin Koosh ball is gone forever!
D: What??
B: There was a hole!
D: It fell behind the wall??
B: Yeah, but I found it under the table.
(silence)
B: So it was never even here.

Bretty Poo: You call me "Bretty Poo" in front of everyone.
Drew: Yeah. That's because chicks dig it.
B: YOU'RE telling me this??

Drew: Dude, I'm getting tired of your sissy music.
Bretty Poo: Aw, come on! Don't put on your weird stuff!
D: Weird music is the way of the future! Robots listen to weird music!

(Bretty Poo calls Lauren as a prank call; she answers)
Bretty Poo: Oh! Um.... Uh.... (fakes deep voice) Um, this is Drew.
Lauren: Oh, hey Brett. Tell Drew I'll be there in a few minutes.
Bretty Poo: Well, hurry up! He's really excited. He put his chap stick on and everything!

(Bretty Poo grabs some pasta off some girl's lunch tray at school)
Girl: Hey! Don't put your fingers in my pasta!
Bretty Poo: Ew, you're gross!

Drew: Hey, how do you spell "sabbatical?"
Bretty Poo: X-A-N-G-A!

(Bretty Poo throws all Drew's change on the floor)
D: What the--!? What are you doing you creep??
B: Why was all of your change on the table?
D: It kept falling out my pockets so I put it on the table.
B: Oh. Well I fixed the problem. By throwing it on the floor.

B: Isn't it funny how the snowplows push all the snow into a big pile and it's still there?
D: Yeah. Funny.
B: Shutup, I'm trying to be deep here.

(Brett randomly starts laughing)
D: Did you just randomly start laughing?
B: Yeah. I burped.