A Little On Edge

I have to get out of Yorkville, first chance I get.

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Last night, as I was laying on my futon, watching Extras in my bedroom, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, walk past my door, then stop in the kitchen. Some things rustled, a chair was pulled out and pushed back in, the door to the garage opened and shut, the car outside started and that was it.

It was about one in the morning.

Two hours later, the garage door open and shut, the footsteps went past my door and back up the stairs towards my mom and stepdad's bedroom. I knew it was my mom coming and going in the wee hours of the morning, because my stepdad, Bob, was sound asleep in his recliner in the living room with the television still on.

The question, then, is, What was my mother doing leaving the house at one in the morning and not coming back until three in the morning?

God only knows, but I can imagine.

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Last week, an old coworker, Ron, showed up at the pool and got drunk. I confiscated the wine from him and kicked him out after he offended me by making fun of my faith and said wildly inappropriate things to two fourteen year old girls that were swimming.

Two days ago, he showed up at the pool again and volunteered to watch it a while I went to DeKalb to move a couch out of my old apartment. As appreciative as I was that he did that for me, I, once again, had to ask him to leave after saying wildly inappropriate things to some women who were sunbathing and was behaving like a genuine ass. He even introduced me to one of his buddies there as "my stepson, Drew."

That pissed me off. A lot.

But imagine my chagrin when I learned that Ron drunk-dialed my mother last Sunday (the night I kicked him out): "Heya baby -- give me a call sometime."

To make matters worse, when I called my mom today to let her know about all of the things Ron did to piss me off and earn his place as social outcast, she defended him! Not only did she defend him, but after I told her all the reasons I couldn't stand the man, and all the reasons I think he is absolute scum, she replied, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

All of this adds up in my mind to lead me to believe that my mother has slept or is sleeping with Ron.

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For the past two days, I have been trying my damnedest to get some of this freelance work done -- I've had it on my desk for two weeks now and have still only finished two of the seven articles I expected to have done by now. Furthermore, I have three articles awaiting me from Daddy's Day Magazine that I have to finish proofreading and editing by tomorrow morning. So I thought that if I buckled down tonight, put on my headphones and shut the door behind me, I'd be able to zip through all of it by midnight, no problems.

The only problem is that I live at home with a nine year old sister named Morgan and two parents that are dysfunctional, at best. These three people combine for a lot of noise, whether they are arguing, or fighting, or popping into my office every five minutes to give me Cubs vs. Braves updates, or give me apartment complex/pool gossip updates, or Webkinz updates, or just to simply annoy me.

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Needless to say, I am a little on edge as of late. All this time, I thought my younger sister, Gail, was crazy, irresponsible and stupid for making the decisions she's made in life. I thought she was just another idiot that fell to the wiles of peer pressure, succumbing to drug and alcohol abuse. Now, I have a better understanding of her motivations! This place is a madhouse and even I would do just about anything to get the hell out of here!

To all my friends who have called me in the past couple days and have been made a victim of my malice, I am so, so very sorry. I don't mean to snap and I don't mean to offend. I am under a tremendous amount of stress.

I know this is the enemy tripping me up--this isn't God testing me to see how I respond to overwhelming stress. I know it's the enemy because I snapped both times my best friend sent me text messages telling me which verses in the Bible I should read for comfort.

I flipped out.

"Who is Josh to tell me how to live my life?? How does he know what I'm going through?? Who is he to make suggestions and give advice??"

I was legitimately offended for no reason whatsoever. I was a wild beast in a cage and Josh did a very kind, very gentle thing to comfort me. My parents and even other friends, on the other hand, are picking up sticks and poking them inside the cage just to get me riled up or to hurt me more.

That's how it seems anyway.

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Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

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And old friend, Sandor, sent me an email and told me he received a vision whilst praying for me. Here's his email:

Hey Drew!

I just read your posting about leaving Dekalb just now. And I was praying for you and the Lord spoke to me, and I felt led to share it with you as a word of encouragement.

I saw the words "Silver Springs" like I was looking at a sign on the road. I wondered why I thought that sounded familiar, then I remembered where it was. It is in Yorkville, Il. I actually went there when I was a kid on a field trip.

I believe the Lord told me that you will go there, if you have not already, and He will minister to you deeply and profoundly.

"They shall not hunger nor thirst; neither shall the heat nor sun smite them: for he that hath mercy on them shall lead them, even by the springs of water shall he guide them." (Isa. 49:10)

I also got these verses for you as well: Jer. 31,1 Kin. 17:1-6, Isa. 35:7, 41:18, and Matt. 6:24-34

Take care bro.

Sandor

I think I'm going to head out there tomorrow with my guitar and my Bible to see what God has for me. I could use some quiet time with God to refocus and to recast my vision of my life.