It's been two days since I last heard from Megan. Oddly enough, I'm kind of okay with that. Even after months of no contact of any kind, we have fallen into the familiar place of arguing about our relationship all the time. I'm wondering if our personalities were just made to clash? It's a shame to say because it seems so defeatist, but... I just can't do her version of a relationship; I can't do the long silences, the never talking on the phone, the never seeing each other, I can't deal with her infamous disappearing act. I just can't. Maybe it'd be different if I thought it would change anytime soon, but I really don't see that ever happening. She is just pleased as punch to keep me at arm's length, it seems. I'm tired of it though. Maybe I needed to invite her back into my life to fully be able to move on?

I was having an impossible time getting over her. My heart was so full of regret for the way things ended and my guilt was preventing me from fully moving on. Now that I've made my amends and we've made our peace with each other, and now that we're right back where we used to be—fighting all the time—I'm finding myself excited about eventually meeting someone else. Like Rod Stewart sang: "Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else."

I must confess that working in a coffee shop makes it very difficult not to notice attractive members of the opposite sex. Right now, for instance, there's a very beautiful woman sitting at a table next to the window, doing work on her laptop, and bobbing her dangling foot in rhythm to the music I'm playing and I can't help but wonder if I should talk to her.

Why do I fall in love with every woman I meet?

I haven't talked to Duggy much lately. I legitimately miss our talks. And I legitimately miss the way she talks. That Irish accent is deadly...

Mr. Raschka just learned that he needs to be in Chicago a bit earlier than he though; rather than Friday, he needs to be there Wednesday. I'm going to miss that kid a lot. I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to find some sort of gainful employment up there so I can go with him.

Much like DeKalb, I can't stand living in Bradley. This town is eating me alive, destroying The Drew.

This is becoming a theme in my life unfortunately, but I need to escape. I've got to break free. In fact, I should probably start job hunting up there. I've been at work for almost five hours now, and we haven't had a customer in about three hours. It's really pathetic. I've just been sitting around, listening to the music and re-cleaning the same tables over and over. I'm bored out of my mind. Maybe if I had a job in the city, things wouldn't be this way. Maybe I'd be constantly busy, and making lots of money, and beating off women with a stick.

The grass is always greener, I suppose.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this journal to be exactly like The Diary of Anais Nin. I should start reading her journals again, for inspiration.

It's just that whenever I write, my mind always blanks and I can't think of anything to write about. I think so little of myself that I find it hard to write about myself. I find my thoughts and emotions so uninteresting, that it bores me to write about them too.

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