My Lack of Friends

I was watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia today -- the episode where the gang decides they're going to go on a manhunt for more friends. To aid them in this adventure, they create flyers to pass out, as advertisements of themselves. At one point, Dennis says something along the lines of, "I'm in my late 20's -- where am I supposed to meet new people? These flyers do all the work themselves." Then I recalled something my friend, Jeff, told me last year: "I got married, woke up one day and realized I didn't have any friends anymore."

Well, I'm not in my late 20's -- I'm merely in my mid 20's. But already I'm discovering the truth of these statements. I'm suddenly waking up everyday and realizing "I'm going to spend this entire day by myself. I'm going to wake up alone, do my daily life stuff alone, eat dinner alone and go to bed alone."

Every night for the last two weeks I have been feeling incredibly lonely; I think this is largely due to the fact that I have spent every night of the last two weeks alone, in my basement. So, I suppose my feeling lonely is partially my fault. However, the flip side of this argument is that I have no gas in my car and no money in my bank account -- thus, I am unable to purchase the gas necessary to fuel the car that will take me all the way out to DeKalb, where the majority of my friends reside. So I guess that makes me a victim of circumstance. Could any of my DeKalb friends come to Yorkville to see me? Yes -- I suppose they could. But it seems as though unless I make the effort to invite myself over to their houses and drive up there, nothing happens. C'est la vie?

Distance and personal conflicts seem to be intruding on my relationships lately: I broke up with my girlfriend because of distance and the fact that she has no time for me (not her fault, but...); a good friend of mine, Mary, lives way down in Mississippi; my best friend, Caitlin, hasn't had time for me since the day I met her -- always, always, always busy or simply not wanting to hang out; my new friend, Amanda, is not only busy, but also recently decided to revolutionize her life by giving herself more "me time;" Josh usually only calls me if he needs me to do something for him; my friends, the Nashes, just had a baby and both work full-time, so they have no time; my friends, the Leighs, also just had a baby and are usually busy hanging out with other people...

I could keep going, but I'm depressing myself.

Now, granted, I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself. And if anybody I know even reads this shitty blog, they'll probably say, "Well YOU never call ME! YOU never visit ME!" In fact, I know that will happen (providing, of course, somebody I know reads this shitty blog -- which I doubt very much). And, yeah -- they'll be right. I suppose I COULD call them and invite myself over every single night. And I suppose I COULD spend $50+ per week on gas just to have a social life outside of my basement.

But I'm so tired of being the one that has to initiate this stuff all the time. I'm so tired of schedules and meeting times and dates -- whatever happened to spontaneity? Why can't I just call someone up and say, "Hey -- come over to my house"? Is this what being an adult is? Does adulthood suddenly mean everyone gets married and forgets all about their single friends now that they have their married friends? Does adulthood mean relationships are the first to go when embracing "responsibilities"?

If so, I say, "Fuck it." That sounds like a shit existence and I don't want anything to do with it.