My Self Worth

Monday morning, I woke up in a mood.

I felt worthless and defeated and frustrated with life. Megan sent me a text around noon that she was lined up for this amazing job opportunity that would entail her going to France every summer for free. As happy as I was for her (and I genuinely was), I was also a little discouraged that my ship has yet to come in.

Then I felt even more worthless. And the whole reason I was feeling so worthless was because I don't have a well-paying job.

How sad.

I was at my friend, Josh's, house and he was at work, so I didn't really have anything to do. As I sat on the couch, staring out the window in pure dejection, Josh's dog pawed at it and yipped, letting me know he wanted to go outside. So I did.

I sat in the back yard, watching him run around, chasing butterflies and rolling around in the grass. I watched the limbs of trees across the pond dance in the breeze and the clouds above me, scurrying by. I laid in the grass, folded my arms beneath my head, closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. I played tug of war with the dog and let him jump all over me and lick my face and ears and nip at my fingers. I grabbed my guitar and played a couple worship songs and even prayed for a bit.

I spent five hours in the backyard doing, for all intents and purposes, nothing.

And my troubles all seemed to melt away.

And I couldn't help but wonder, that maybe this was what we actually were created to do -- to live in communion with God and to enjoy His creation. That maybe work and jobs and careers shouldn't be my primary concern, that maybe loving and living with God should be.